Emotioned out

There are so many emotions I feel during a day that it wears me out. Every time I look at my precious beautiful twins, my heart swells with gratitude and wonder at the miracle of life. It's still hard to believe these precious girls are mine. I look at their tiny hands curling over my shirt while I nurse them, their little lips shaped into a pout as they sleep, their little eyes looking at their new world, and listen to their coos and squeaks-- noises that I treasure as they so quickly pass from this newborn stage.
Today is also the due date of my neighbor's little girl. It was fun to find out that she and I were due just a week apart. We swapped early pregnancy stories and I anticipated raising our little ones together. My ultrasound was on Friday, and I found out I was having twins. Hers was Monday and she found out that there was no heartbeat. I stopped by on my way to work that night and gave her a tearful hug. I didn't know how she would feel about pregnant me stopping by, but as her RS president and one who sorrowed with her, I needed to. She was on her way to the hospital where she would deliver her baby. That night while I worked I thought often of her and what she and her husband were experiencing, only to find out that it takes a long time to start labor on a body that is not ready to deliver. She was in the hospital for a few days before delivering her little daughter. The body was perfect and they don't know why she passed away.
I also got a call today from the bishop telling me that the sister of a woman in our ward just committed suicide. What an awful, awful day for this family. When my sister struggled in the depths of her depression, I addressed the possibility that I could have this type of phone call. I mentally reviewed the emotions I would feel and what this would mean for her family. Someone close to us attempted suicide, but fortunately was not successful. I remember the visual weight and sorrow this caused the parents. I can't fully imagine the heartache this family is going through.
From the highs of perfect angelic twins to the depths of sorrow at passing to the daily struggles of attempting to keep order in a home with 6 young children, I am tired. What a full experience this earth life is.

Tanner

Yesterday Tanner fulfilled a dream by going skiing. Rich took Heidi, Ian, & Tanner up to "ski free after 3" at Alta. Tanner did great and came home so excited about skiing. This morning he got up and told me how skiing like a pizza (V) makes you go slow, and skiing like french fries (skis straight) makes you go fast.
Today I asked the kids to help clean in the kitchen for 10 min. Tanner ran and hid, so I told him that he wouldn't be able to eat dinner or have snacks until he helped. A few hours later while I was fixing dinner, he came in and said "You're only going to have 3 children!" Scott asked him what he meant and he explained that he was going to die without food. Luckily the tragedy was avoided as he cleaned his 10 minutes and at dinner with the family.